Are we in a gay sports bar?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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