We got so high we made milksteak
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
