You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
