Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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