I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
