you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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