i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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