Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
