Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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