He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
