Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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