Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
