Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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