Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
