The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
