Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
