I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
