You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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