I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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