the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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