Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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