I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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