There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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