we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
