i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
