and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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