Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
