and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
