if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
