i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
