Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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