we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
40s are totally the cure
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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