I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think a kid would responsible me up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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