Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
