Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
