i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
