I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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