I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
