She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
