Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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