she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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