okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
