i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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