Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
