Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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