the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
