Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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