you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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