just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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