The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
