Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
