hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
