dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
