Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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