wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
