I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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